What's all this then?

I tweet too much. So I needed somewhere else to start storing all the words. This is it. Think of it as the external hard drive for my thoughts.

I don't have an obesssion, a dream, a fixation or a hook, so don't be expecting a focus here. It's like great big lumps of my twitterings. You may see teaching stuff, rants, maternal anxiety and occasional sojourns away from reality.

Anyway, I like a nice chat so we should talk. By we, I of course mean me...

Friday, 5 July 2013

The best google search result ever. Contains cats.

The world is filled with wondrous variety. And on the edges of that amazing spectrum you will find conspiracy theorists, survivalists, people who drink their own urine. And then, right out there, there are die-hard pet lovers. 

Now, before we start, I don't mean you. You are perfectly sensible and love your pet a reasonable and appropriate amount. We're all owned to a certain extent, and your behaviour falls well within the normal range.

So. There's you and me. And there's them. They are out there and they blog among us. As I discovered the other night. 

I was looking up various essential oils, checking for allergic reactions, all innocent stuff. One of the oils was carrot seed. And that's when I found this query:

Can I use wild carrot seeds as a contraceptive for cats?

Read it again.

Now, wanting to tackle the problem of  homeless kittens and rapidly increasing feral cat populations is entirely laudable. But I would really, really like to see someone try and get carrot seeds into what one would assume to be a fairly cross wild cat.

Still, it was too intriguing a thought to be left alone. So I googled it. And that's where I found this:

Are there 3d glasses for cats?

Don't read it again. It won't help.

I want to believe that this is a genuine question. So I am going to.  The world is a better place, I feel, for being home to people that love their cat so much they want it to be able to enjoy a cosy evening in front of the telly with them. People who want to share an experience they enjoy with the creature they are caring for. I don't think these are the sort of people that go out robbing old ladies, making girls feel bad for being over a size 6 or dismantling the NHS.

So god bless the Extreme Pet Lovers everywhere. We need more of them to balance the frankly nasty bastards out there.

That said, there's no excuse for doggie nail varnish.

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

8 Indisputable Reasons why the Monkees are better than the Beatles.

Why are the Monkees better than the Beatles? I hereby provide you, the truth-seeking reader, with 8 indisputable answers to that question.

1. No Monkees fan has ever sat down with an evangelical look in their eye and explained the history of music to you, whether you wanted them to or not. They're too busy singing to put anybody down.

2. The Monkees did not inspire Noel Gallagher to do anything.

3. Think how many tedious conversations in student bars could be avoided if "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" hadn't happened. (There's nothing I, or anyone else, can do about Puff the Magic Dragon. I'm sorry.)

4. Still on Lucy. Without the song, the early homo habilis skeleton found in Africa would not have been named Lucy and Melbourne Natural History Museum would not have felt the need to put a sensor near their Lucy model that played one phrase of the damned song over and over again any time anyone walked any where near her in a manner best described as insufferable. And breathe.

5. The Monkees walk. It's fun to do. No Beatles song has its own walk.

6. "Hey Jude" at Weddings. Worse than "New York, New York". At least that has a traditional drunken dance that goes with it. (see above for songs with accompanying moves being better in general)

7. "Cheer up Sleepy Jean" could always stop my daughter mid-tantrum when we were enduring the terrible twos, a period that went on for about 23 years by my reckoning. This gives it a price higher than rubies.

8. Paul McCartney. Yes. Be honest with yourself now. Totally honest. There. See?

So there we have it. We can all move on now. It's always possible of course that indisputable does not mean what I think it means, but I doubt it.